Experience more Flow, more love, more passion and connection, without any of the touchy feely stuff.

New for 2016, Flow for Couples includes over 10 new videos, detailed homework and exercises to complete together, and a one month implementation program that will level up your life.

Flow is a state where you lose your sense of self, you drop into the present moment, you feel powerfully driven to do more of it, and totally inspired when you’re in it. In other words, it sounds a hell of a lot like love. And when you can learn how to hack Flow, not just for yourself, but with someone you truly care about, that’s when things get interesting in a hurry. The selflessness that is a hallmark of the Flow state becomes communion when you share it with another person. That timelessness becomes eternity. That effortless becomes passion. That inspiration becomes transformation. So when you do find someone to be in a real relationship with, if you’re at all like us, you’re asking the question “how on earth do we keep things that alive after the honeymoon wears off?” Sure, if you’re still swiping right on anything that moves, the fear of missing out is stronger than the fear of slowly fading out. And if that’s where you are, it’s totally fine, but this isn’t the course for you. This program is for couples who are committed to each other. It could be for life, it could be for a year or even a week. How long matters less (for us) than if it’s just a clear “yes” to walking this leg of the journey together. It’s like rock climbing where two people tie into a rope, or martial arts when you both bow onto the mat in the spirit of training. That’s the non-negotiable we’re looking for before we get started. The goal of this program is to offer couples of all ages and orientations (though for simplicity we’ll language things hetero-normative) the chance to turbo-charge their relationship from the ground floor up. We’ll give you some basic but powerful practices that let you experience more Flow, more love, more passion and more connection, without any of the touchy feely therapy or New Age stuff. And BTW, that doesn’t mean this work doesn’t get as wild and amazing as you can imagine (and likely then some). It just means that you can get the results we’re talking about without believing anything different than you already do. It’s content neutral—meaning that it’s composed of simple experiments you experience for yourselves without having to buy into “love languages” or whether you’re from Mars or Venus. Cool?

Why does “Flow for couples” even matter?

  • You felt an easier more enjoyable connection to each other in the past than you have right now
  • You negotiate with sexuality, withholding, rewarding or bargaining
  • You play the “tit for tat” game balancing chores, solo time with friends, and time together
  • You’ve looked into some couples’ therapy or workshops but get turned off by language or exercises that feel more forced or cheesy than helpful
  • You find yourself looking back on the “honeymoon” in your relationship, and have been quietly resigning yourself to never seeing “the good old days” again
  • You avoid intimacy in ways that leave you feeling even less satisfied than before (think: digital distractions, varying bedtimes, emotional infidelity pornography/romantic fiction, substance use)
  • You occasionally ask yourself “is this really all there is?” and suspect the answer might just be, yes
  • You blame your partner for not being enough or (however slightly) robbing you of the adventuresome life you thought you were going to live
  • It’s been way too long since you’ve felt butterflies or true passion for the person you love

Flow for Couples can help, but only if you’re willing to set aside your old dramas and do something different.

It’s like a self-guided training program for your most important relationship. It’s practical, experimental and experiential. You learn a new idea about training Flow, you apply it together, you see what happens, and you make it your own.

We’ve found the consistent traps for missing Flow with your partner are:

  • Trouble shifting gears from the stress and challenges of work, finances and family to have fun and feel connected again
  • Talking past each other without getting each other’s world, and feeling worn down by the same recurring roadblocks or fights
  • Wrestling between an idealized version of what romance “should” look and feel like, and what your actual life has become
  • Being too tired, stressed or distant to allow sex to be a recharger
  • A love life that feels routine, an obligation, or just serves as occasional tension relief
  • Loss of charge or excitement as you spend more and more time together as domestic partners—everything is predictable and the downs start to outweigh the ups
  • Nagging sense that if you were with you ideal partner, you wouldn’t be experiencing all of these setbacks
  • Telling yourself that things will get better after: the wedding, honeymoon, promotion, house or baby
  • Feeling like the rest of your life is hard enough as it is, you shouldn’t have to “work” on your relationship

And some cool facts you might not know…

  • Relational Flow isn’t something we have to wait until we feel to enjoy, it’s something we can deliberately create more of on purpose
  • It doesn’t require talking about or sharing our feelings (unless you want to)
  • You can shift and improve many relationship dynamics and patterns at the body/brain level and leverage neurochemistry to your advantage
  • A healthy sexual practice together is one of the most potent (and enjoyable) ways to charge the relational bank account but…
  • 7 out of 10 women report being “dissatisfied” or “strongly dissatisfied” with their love life
  • 72% of people report having had a Flow experience during sexuality, but only 23% share it with their partners!
  • Couples that become skillful at sharing Flow together stay together longer, experience less infidelity, and report higher life satisfaction
  • Flow releases five of the most potent neurochemicals for motivation, learning and well-being—norepinephrine, dopamine, endorphins, anandamide, and oxytocin—many of which underpin the feeling of romantic love as well. (which means, you can literally make more love)
As crazy as it sounds, we aren’t taught how to stay deeply and passionately connected to each other for the long haul. On the one hand, we’re bombarded with glitzy, sexy romances in the media, and on the other, we’re reminded of failed marriages and the slow fade that typify so many long-term relationships. (the “get used to it” wisdom of our long-married friends and family) But in between those two scenarios, most of us wander without a lot of guidance. We might not want to repeat the patterns of our parents’ generations, but committing to each other for the long haul can seem impossible to pull off without saying goodbye to our dreams or our passion.

It’s time to get beyond wishy-washy self-help and numb resignation, and into practices and techniques that work…

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START FLOW FOR COUPLES

Next Course Starts November 6th. Reserve Your Spot Now!

A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION, A LITTLE MORE ACTION

(And no one has to say ‘Namaste.’ Ever.)

When it comes down to it, we believe that committing to a partner is one of the hardest and potentially valuable things you can do. And it’s really hard! So if you don’t have a way to powerfully and reliably reconnect, and reaffirm why you’re together, you don’t stand a chance. So we believe it’s worth learning to bring more Flow into our relationships, not so we can post selfies together living a glamorous life, or help each other achieve our dream boards, but so we can actually live better together, and have the love, care, and concern to do it right. We believe it’s worth spending more time in Flow because it lets us set down our load for a little while, to step outside our normal waking selves, and get some information and inspiration to keep us going on the road ahead. When we share Flow together, we connect beyond our limitations and separations, and we reaffirm why we’re together in the first place. We can let go of stress and worries and recharge our batteries more fully than any other place. We can turn our relationship from an obligation into something that becomes the central vehicle to take us where we want to go.

Our Story

jamie-julie325Hi! Our names are Jamie Wheal and Julie Webster. We’ve been together since we were in college and have spent a quarter of a century making a life together. We’ve guided mountaineering courses in Colorado, California, Tibet and Thailand. We’ve renovated farmhouses, sailed oceans, founded businesses, cared for dying parents and raised our own children. In the simplest words, we’ve been through a lot. And what we’ve realized along the way is how to create a life of magic and adventure without letting the fire go out. In fact, the further we’ve gone into this life together, the more passionate, connected and in awe we are than when we first started. And that’s no small thing. And we’re pretty reluctant to speak openly about our experiences at all. We’ve seen too many workshop hosts and info-marketers create an airbrushed version of their lives together only to crash and burn, and we never wanted to put that kind of a load on our own lives. Better to keep it under wraps, stay anonymous, and just keep doing our thing. But over the past few years, more and more people have asked us to share our stories and insights, and have challenged us to share our experiences and approach with more folks. So that’s what we’re doing for the first time with this Flow for Couples course. If it works out ok and people find it truly useful, we’ll keep doing more. But that depends on you and how it all goes. For us, the biggest fear was always that we’d end up settling in a relationship that made us sacrifice some critical part of ourselves, and we’d be torn between doing the honorable thing and staying together, or doing the hurtful thing and leaving for greener pastures. And that dynamic–of feeling connected and committed, or feeling resentful and distracted–showed up in some shape or form for years. It wasn’t until we discovered this whole path to Flow hacking in our relationship that we found another way.

That changed everything.

The better we got at finding moments of deep connection and even inspiration together, the more fuel we had for the day to day grind of life (and anyone who doesn’t acknowledge that part is peddling moonshine). We just found a way to put in more credits into the relationship account than debits, and it has saved us from emotional bankruptcy many times. More important, it changed the dynamic of our relationship: it went from “is this the ideal person who can affirm and support everything I want to have, be and do” (the Idealized version) to “is this a person I can travel further with faster than with anyone else?” Because if you can unlock the key to Everything with a practice partner, then there’s literally nothing that’s missing outside your relationship. No looking over your shoulder at restaurants or parties. No browsing Facebook or Instagram for your old college crushes. No “work wife” or husband to be emotionally unfaithful with.

KNOW TEN THINGS, TELL NINE – TAOIST PROVERB

And through this adventure, here’s what we’ve figured out. Relationships go through phases and you better know which one you’re in, or when one “dies” to make room for the next level, you might think the whole thing is over and pull the ripcord right when things are heating up. Relationships don’t work as negotiations where we each “give a little to get a little” (despite what most mediocre therapists will suggest). Relationships work as an ironclad practice, where you both commit to giving everything upfront. Then and only then do you get the real goods.
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START FLOW FOR COUPLES

Next Course Starts November 6th. Reserve Your Spot Now!

Passion = Intimacy + Vulnerability

If you’re lacking the sparks of passion, get to the heart of your pain, express it honestly to your partner. The rest takes care of itself.

Commit to sex as practice (you’ll sense there’s a theme here). Once you learn how to prime the neurochemistry of love, you’ll realize you have more to give. You’ll go from nickel and diming your love to giving it away. After all, you can always make more… Think about it. You don’t wait until you’re feeling awesome to go to the gym. Or to floss your teeth. You do both of those things because of how you know they’ll make you feel later. Same is true for relating in Flow. We do the work up front because of what it lets us do better, later. So that’s what this program, Flow for Couples, is really about. Years of trial and error and gritty reality testing boiled down to what sticks in the thick of it. We’ve tried to distill all of the research, all of the science, psychology, and physiology surrounding Flow in relationships into the simplest, most practical program to get you started living as a couple with more Flow (and the passion and connection that inevitably come with it).

After well over two decades testing this on ourselves, we know hacking Flow in your relationship works. In fact, it works so well we’ve had to actually limit how often we let ourselves practice, otherwise we’d barely get anything else done!

Hacking Flow in Your Relationship Works

Flow for Couples is a 21-day self-paced online training program

Flow for Couples is a 21-day self-paced online training program.

In the program you’ll get four week’s worth of videos and lessons, including:

  • *Daily, Weekly and Monthly Practices
  • *Biochronology of the Yum (timing your sex, work, and creativity to match your endocrine cycles)
  • *The Neurochemistry of Boredom (and how to reverse it)
  • *Dynamic Relating—the 30-30-30 Game (or how never to be wrong again)
  • *From Monogamy to Higher-ogamy (how to get beyond format and into content)
  • *Killing Narcissus (aka how to put a bullet in your Idealized Self and learn to love your partner)
  • *Taking the Kink out of Kinky—neurochemistry of full spectrum sexuality Part One
Important Disclaimer: you will only get benefits from this program if you actually do the exercises. As we mentioned upfront, this is not a psychological relationship course. There aren’t any sentence stems to complete, or pictures to draw and share. If you have absolutely intractable issues and can’t even agree to practice together, then this program can’t help you (yet). Alternately, if you just want to get your partner to “come around” and see your way, this isn’t gonna work either. It’s about getting both of you to move to a place beyond your old stories. That said, if you do these practices consistently, they will change things in ways, even (or especially) without talking so much. And if you’re doing them really well, things get even hairier before they get even better. It makes sense, right? It’s only when some part of ourselves feels like change is possible, that the super gnarly stuff can even come up for daylight.

So be prepared—it’s super fun, sexy and thrilling, and it can feel like getting kicked in the balls too. 😉

price-tag
START FLOW FOR COUPLES

Next Course Starts November 6th. Reserve Your Spot Now!

“True Love, my dear Is putting an ironclad grip upon The soft, swollen balls Of a Divine Rogue Elephant And not having the good fortune to Die.”

–Hafiz

Rewire your nervous system, psychology, and relationship

Flow for Couples let’s you hack the neuroscience behind intimacy and passion.

Taking Flow for Couples is just a first step on an endless road. Once you’ve completed it, you’ve earned your “yellow belt” and are eligible to take our more advanced online and in-person trainings at amazing locations around the world. And they go much further than what we cover in this introductory course. So far, in fact, that we’d consider the advanced Flow for Couples techniques we’ve been discovering to be our central personal, physical and spiritual path, period. They’re potent enough to completely rewire your nervous system, your psychology, and your relationship, and that’s just for starters. For these and our other Flow trainings we meet up in beautiful mountain retreats, Oceanside surf spots, and forested lodges, we go deep into theory and practice, and we share a community that is filled with absolutely awesome people. Doctors, athletes, world-class trainers, authors, dancers, executives, and entrepreneurs. And even better, when you become part of Flow Hacker Nation (the name of all of the folks who train with us), we’re all contributing to the largest citizen science project on optimal psychology ever conducted (25,000 subjects and going strong)

So jump in, there’s much more that comes after this initial training, but this is definitely the place to start.

price-tag
START FLOW FOR COUPLES

Next Course Starts November 6th. Reserve Your Spot Now!